What happens to my physical and mental health when our relationship is struggling?
Why do I feel so depressed and anxious when my relationship is not good?
If I feel so awful, isn't this a sign the relationship is doomed and I should leave?

Think back to the most secure and happy times in your relationship. Chances are, your body and your brain knew your relationship was secure, and you flourished. Research has shown that people in strong, committed relationship have better overall physical and mental health than those who are single or in relationships that struggle. 

Alternatively, if your relationship is in trouble, you’ll likely experience an increase of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, sleep disruption, etc. Distressed relationships also have a negative impact on our physical health, including higher incidence of heart disease, stroke and increased levels of cortisol in the body, which impacts our immune system functioning.  

A fascinating research study recently published by the founder of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, and Dr. James Coan, University of Virginia neuroscientist, reveals one of the reasons why secure, committed relationships are likely correlated with improved physical and mental health. 

The study involved measuring the brain’s fear and pain response to electric shocks to the feet of married women both before and after they participated in couples counseling using Emotionally Focused Therapy. 

Before Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the women’s level of fear and pain was measured in an fMRI machine three different times: alone in the fMRI machine, holding the hand of a stranger, and holding the hand of her husband. There were very small decreases in fear and pain for the instance of holding the hand of the stranger, and interestingly, even smaller holding the hand of her husband. 

After 20 sessions of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the level of fear and pain for the woman alone in the machine stayed the same. When she held the stranger’s hand, there was still fear and pain, but less than before the couples counseling. Remarkably, when she held her husband’s hand, there was very little pain or fear reported with the shock!

The results of this latest study confirm those of many others, which indicates we are better off in healthy relationships than alone. As mammals, we are hard-wired from cradle to grave to seek out and flourish when we are securely connected with others.   

The study also illustrates the effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, along with similar studies.  In EFT, we help couples understand how they are getting stuck, how they can communicate their needs in ways that will yield the response they want, and change their interactional patterns so that they heal hurts and develop deep, secure and satisfying closeness. 

If you can identify with experiencing anxiety, depression, or stress in your life related to your most important relationships, call 303-513-8975 today or schedule an appointment for Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Your brain will thank you! 

I wanted to share some fantastic news!  I have recently been Certified as an Emotionally Focused Therapist. This is the culmination of three years of intensive study and practice in the type of couple's counseling I provide, Emotionally Focused Therapy.  EFT is a model of helping relationships that really works and has been well-researched both in terms of effectiveness as well as how therapists best learn the model.    

To my couples counseling clients, this certification probably doesn't change much in their experience of about how I help relationships. As I see it, what it really demonstrates is how much I love doing couple's counseling and that I am deeply committed to doing it well. Couples who come to work with me learn that I think of them often, planning and studying how they get stuck as a couple and what we need to do in our next sessions to move them forward.  

From a professional standards point of view, being a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist means that I have received many hours of advanced training in EFT from some of the best trainers and couples therapists in the world. It means that I have received many hours of supervision of my couples counseling cases. In many instances, this means that my couples receive not only the care and attention from me, but also from my supervisors, who help me to plan and hone my couples counseling work. Lastly, it means that I have demonstrated to ICEEFT, our international organization for EFT, that my couples counseling skills meet the requirements indicating I can effectively help couples whose relationships are in distress.  

Did you know that many therapists take just one to two courses in graduate school on the topics of Family and Couples Therapy? While it is certainly possible to be an effective couple's counselor with this level of training, it goes without saying that a lot is at stake when a couple initiates couple's counseling. Of course, there are also many other intangible skills such as empathy and unconditional positive regard which have been shown to lead to effective therapy outcomes.  

However, I believe that it is advantageous to seek couple's counseling from a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist, or someone working toward that designation. Beyond the graduate school training, someone learning EFT attends many hours of post-graduate training to learn the model. Much of that training is mastery-oriented, meaning you must demonstrate via role play and/or video that you know how to help couples!  

The field of counseling and psychology is one of the few health care fields where there is NOT direct hands-on supervision for most of the instruction due to protections for the confidentiality of counseling clients. Contrast this to a surgeon - would you want your first year surgical student to operate on you having never practiced under the watchful eye of a more experienced surgeon?  

I am committed to the ongoing review and study of my couple's counseling work with the help of those more experienced in EFT. EFT is considered cutting edge couple's therapy, and I will continue to learn the latest and greatest in couple's counseling research.  

Call today to begin improving your relationship 303-513-8975 or schedule your Greenwood Village Couples Counseling appointment online now:

What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?

History of EFT

Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) is a systematic approach to couples therapy, rooted in the science of adult love (attachment). Developed in the 1980’s, EFT helps couples improve communication by understanding and responding to each other’s needs, building feelings of happiness, intimacy and deep connection. 

EFT has been validated by over 25 years of empirical research as well as research on the process of change and predictors of relationship success. 70-75% of couples working with an EFT therapist go from distress to recovery. Among the research-based couple therapy approaches, only EFT demonstrates results this robust and long-lasting.

How EFT Works

When we can’t find and keep a safe, loving way connection to our partner, it hurts and our brain sounds alarms. We automatically respond by protest or withdrawal (fight or flight). Our partner then responds with their own withdrawal or protest. In this repeating pattern, we create a feedback loop of negative interactions that lead to more and more unhappiness in the relationship.

EFT is a structured approach where couples are supported to create nurturing, love and connection in their relationships. These steps help couples to:

• Slow down and organize rather than escalate and react
• Identify their negative cycle and make that their new common enemy (rather than each other)
• Find and share underlying emotions in the negative cycle
• Regulate their emotions and send clear emotional signals about their needs
• Respond in healthy, loving ways to the signals that are sent to them
• Create new, positive cycles where they can express their needs and fears
• Respond in ways that pull their partner closer
• Create the safety, trust and support desired  

EFT is a collaborative, experiential model that encourages couples to be involved in the deconstructing of the negative cycle and the creation of a new, secure relationship. 

Contact us today to begin to heal your relationship! 303-513-8975. 

We have been sharing this link with many of my clients.  

Brene Brown, an incredibly entertaining and captivating speaker, touches on the concept that in order for us to have the close, loving relationships we desire, we have to be willing to be vulnerable with each other.  

This is not a simple thing to do, and is often scary.  When couples are in distress, it can be incredibly frightening to open up and be vulnerable again, especially if the relationship experienced a betrayal or trauma.  

Seeking out a couples therapist, particularly one trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy as we are, can be an important step in working back to the closeness and intimacy you desire in your relationship.  

Call us today to get started having your best relationships - 303-513-8975. Or, schedule your first appointment online now!

We are trained in a highly effective method of couples counseling called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). This approach is an empirically validated theory, meaning lots of rigorous research has gone into studying its efficacy.  A recent meta-analysis of the studies on EFT has shown that 70-73% of couples move out of a "distressed" state and 90% experienced significant improvement. 

EFT is considered a brief form of therapy, with most couples completing the process in 15-30 sessions.  EFT helps couples build deep understanding of one another's emotional experience in the relationship, identify and change their patterns of interaction, and develop deep and meaningful bonds characterized by closeness and safety.

Participants in EFT often describe the process as powerful, life-changing and significantly improving their relationship satisfaction. To learn more about couples counseling with a therapist trained in EFT, give us a call today at 303-513-8975 or schedule your first appointment now!